Text 152
yasyotsaṅga-sukhāśayā śithilitā gurvī gurubhyas trapā
prāṇebhyo ’pi suhṛt-tamāḥ sakhi tathā yūyaṁ parikleśitāḥ
dharmaḥ so ’pi mahān mayā na gaṇitaḥ sādhvībhir adhyāsito
dhig dhairyaṁ tad-upekṣitāpi yad ahaṁ jīvāmi pāpīyasī
yasya — of whom; utsaṅga-sukha-āśayā — by the desire for the happiness of the association; śithilitā — slackened; gurvī — very great; gurubhyaḥ — unto the superiors; trapā — bashfulness; prāṇebhyaḥ — than My life; api — although; suhṛt-tamāḥ — more dear; sakhi — O My dear friend; tathā — similarly; yūyam — you; parikleśitāḥ — so much troubled; dharmaḥ — duties to My husband; saḥ — that; api — also; mahān — very great; mayā — by Me; na — not; gaṇitaḥ — cared for; sādhvībhiḥ — by the most chaste women; adhyāsitaḥ — practiced; dhik dhairyam — to hell with patience; tat — by Him; upekṣitā — neglected; api — although; yat — which; aham — I; jīvāmi — am living; pāpīyasī — the most sinful.
“ ‘Desiring the happiness of His association and embraces, My dear friend, I disregarded even My superiors and relaxed My shyness and gravity before them. Furthermore, although you are My best friend, more dear to Me than My own life, I have given you so much trouble. Indeed, I even put aside the vow of dedication to My husband, a vow kept by the most elevated women. Oh, alas! Although He is now neglecting Me, I am so sinful that I am still living. Therefore I must condemn My so-called patience.’
Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī is speaking this verse (Vidagdha-mādhava 2.41) to Her intimate friend Viśākhādevī.